Can we talk for a minute about Self Sabotage?!
I have been coming to a lot of very personal realizations lately about my own mindset. I feel like more than once in the last couple weeks I have been slapped in the face with what seemed to be a blaringly obvious malfunction of my brain. The circumstances of my life have been compounding and the last couple of years, I had barely been treading water. Now that I am able to come up for air, I am seeing more clearly the destruction that was left behind. I am recognizing patterns of such in many areas of my life.
Prior to the ‘rebrand’ and while under the direction of our ‘previous business model’ we were hemorrhaging money. (Hence the decision to break away and start fresh…) That experience suffocated me for the better part of an entire year (or two). The constant anxiety and fear of wondering what funds are in my accounts, to the point of not even being able to look at my balances (I had to have my hubs look for me), completely demolished my mindset around money. I was consumed with a feeling of scarcity. Time and time again, somehow only being able to barely make ends meet month after month. Never being able to get ahead… The constant game of gaining ground and making progress, only to lose it again. That constant fear of never having enough stunted my growth. How could I possibly expand when my entire world only could feel lack?
With my health, putting on more weight than I care to admit (building a house with our own hands meant we ate out 3 meals a day for a straight year…) but hitting a wall trying to get back down to my previous size and body fat percentage. SO frustrating, especially, because I KNOW it is my own self destructive behavior keeping me in this stagnant state.
I am sure you have been there… You decide to make some changes in your life. Maybe a new relationship that’s going to well, and then out of no where, you are ghosting him because he snorts when he laughs or his ears are too small. Or suddenly, you start behaving like a raving lunatic, causing him to run away screaming? Maybe you can’t seem to get out of debt, no matter how hard you try? Maybe it’s a recurring theme for you in one specific area, or maybe it seems to be in every facet of your life. Things seem to be flowing well, even improving, and then BAM! out of no where… everything changes. You begin to ruin it for yourself!
Maybe you have made a commitment to eat better, or exercise more regularly. You get going and for a while, everything is great! You are dropping inches, feeling better, you start to uncontrollably binge on the candy bowl at work and you can’t get make time to hit the gym… Like ever! The weight you lost comes creeping back, and then some! Over and over again, you just can’t seem to break the point of that elusive number on the scale…
Why does this happen? Why do we sabotage ourselves when things are great in our lives? Because deep down, we don’t feel worthy. We may not even realize we are doing it. Most often, this happens on a subconscious level.
“We sabotage the great things in our lives because we don’t feel worthy of having the great things.” – Taressa Riazzi
We think, “If was ________ enough, then and ONLY then, would I be worthy of _________.” Fill in the blank with whatever it is you are feeling and lacking. Pretty enough. Thin enough. Patient enough. Kind enough. Strong enough. Brave enough. YOU NAME IT enough… We constantly fill our heads with thoughts of inadequacy. We fill our minds with self judgement, doubts and fears.
We hope and strive for this perfect time when we attain some sort of level, as if this will be the magical key to all our hopes and dreams. Constantly comparing ourselves to the seemingly perfect lives of others… Until we reach that point, we believe we are UNWORTHY of any sort of prize.
“There are no prerequisites for worthiness.” – Brené Brown
Take your life in your hands. Start playing to build your dreams, but do it knowing that you already posses all the worthiness within your heart. You always have and you always will. Stop getting in your own head and in your own way. You are worthy of ALL the things. Right now, just as you are. You are enough.
YOU. ARE. ENOUGH.
“May your choices reflect your HOPES, not your fears.” – Nelson Mandela
The first step in changing these patterns of self sabotage is to recognize that you are doing it! You cannot change of fix something that you are not aware is even broken. What are your limiting beliefs? What are the things you think about yourself that could be hindering your progress?
Once your limiting beliefs and thoughts are identified, use affirmations and visualization to begin to retrain / interrupt the brain patterns and direct your thoughts and life in the way you want them to go. (Hint: Read up on the Law of Attraction. I am also a big supporter of EFT Tapping.) To truly make a difference in your life, you MUST practice daily; even multiple times per day. The more you say them, the more effective you will be in re-wiring those old patterns.
Read your affirmation(s) out loud
Visualize as if complete in the present moment
Allow yourself to feel as you would if you reached this goal (as if in the future and there)
Repeat with each of your affirmations
Meditation is another key player for me. There are so many ways to practice meditation. I do so multiple times a day. Sometimes, for just a minute, and others for extended periods of time. There is no right or wrong way. Just get present with yourself in the moment and allow your brain to sort through whatever seems to be holding you back.
Morning meditation: Set the intention for your day. Visualize your interactions with those around you. Ask God/the universe for the things you need.
Mindfulness meditation: This can be done any time, anywhere. Focus on the things happening around you. What do you see? What do you hear? How does your body feel? What sensations are you experiencing? Anything to bring you into an awareness of the present moment.
Guided meditation: Find something specific to meditate on. This might be an issue or problem you are experiencing in life. Maybe you need clarification on something? Set a mantra or phrase to accompany the meditation and as your mind unwinds, repeat the mantra.
Evening meditation: Clear your head of anything from your day. How did you do? What things would you like to improve tomorrow? You may also want to incorporate a guided meditation immediately prior to falling asleep. Our mind works some amazing miracles in this state!
Coaches and Mentors:
When you are dealing with serious self-sabotage, you MUST get someone to help you! Having someone to keep you on course and help you to spot these behaviors as they arise is crucial to helping you work through them more efficiently and quickly. Find a coach that you trust and that will always have your best interests in mind. I am so very thankful for my coaches and mentors. (Yes, I have multiple…) Establish your tribe!
I am happy to say, that since making this conscious shift, lots of great things have been happening and there have been some big changes in ALL of the areas in which I was struggling. I share these things to show you what is possible, when you harness the power of your energy and change your vibrations. Break wide open.